We Men Are Very Insincere About the Issue of Woman

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I grew up in an environment where violence against women was almost internalized and considered normal. My grandmother who raised me had also come from such an environment. For instance, when we cried about something as a child, she would tell us "Don't cry like a woman!". Crying is a female weakness, according to that environment.

Man knew best. Man was strong, he was smarter and the leader of the family. What we heard most often were the words, phrases insulting women. "Much roaming chicken drags in much shit." Women were lacking in intelligence. She was "long on hair, short on brains". Even the songs we listened to were hostile towards women. "You will either be mine or six feet under", "I may go mad and shoot you". "Wish you belonged to me and not others."

If I were to give a recent example, there are sexists songs that people sing along at the top of their lungs, like "I will harass you if I can't have you".

Woman was like our shadow, our commodity as it were. I witnessed this type of violence within the family as well. Beating your daughter, wife, sister was normal, ordinary. So was fussing over "honor".

For example, I have even witnessed the following statement being told many times: "The girl goes to her husband's home alive and can leave only when she is dead!"

This of course affected my relationships very badly too. I made many mistakes in my first marriage and in other social relationships.

It is easy to put the whole blame on our upbringing or the people around us. Even though I have made the utmost effort to shape myself, like carving a stone or a piece of wood, there's still that uncarved wood very much alive somewhere inside me.

Why did I make this introduction? Because if we cannot be sincere enough about this issue, this problem will never end it seems! As you know, the abuses of children and women which have come to the fore recently have reached an intolerable point.

All segments of the society began to denounce it. I do not think there have been many periods in history when social hypocrisy made such a peak. While the people strongly condemn these abuses on social media, one cannot help but wonder, "Well, then how come such incidents continue to increase amidst such a strong reaction?"

I am talking about a society, which sees the woman as an auxiliary being, as the man's assistant, his shadow, and about a limitless insincerity.

Oh my god! Everyone is so sensitive about women being subjected to violence, children being molested. Well, then for god's sake, who are the perpetrators of these abuses? Are they from another planet or society? No, of course they are these sensitive people themselves. One might almost think we are not a patriarchal society!

So, is it education that we need? Believe me, educational or social status has nothing to do with violence against women in this country. It is so very widespread! Lower class, upper class, intellectual, uneducated, it just does not matter, this problem is experienced in every segment! Call it customs, tradition, religion, socioeconomic conditions, whatever the reason, its roots go very deep, the fundamentalist notion of women is ingrained in our being, or to put it in scientific terms, in our genes.

An incident that a friend of mine told me the other day constitutes a tiny example of how this has been imprinted on the genes of not only men but also women; though the multitude of these examples should not come as a surprise. When a man quarreling with his girlfriend in a restaurant started hitting her, the people sitting at the next table felt the need to intervene.

Hurling a lewd curse at the interveners, the woman who was subjected to the violence shouted "It's none of your business, this is my husband. He can love me or beat me as he likes!" and left everyone gaping. The incident ended at the police station of course. Now, you may argue that it is not right to generalize from a single example but this case is the best known cliché in this country and I am sure you have heard plenty of similar incidents as well.

I remember talking about this issue with a friend of mine who is a police officer. He says, "The husband beats his wife and we take him to the police station upon the complaints of their neighbors. 90 percent of the women do not file a complaint against their husbands, which ties our hands." Because women do not have neither a place to take shelter in nor economic freedom; and if they have children they must or feel that they must take everything lying down so as to not lose their children.

At the very beginning of everything, all the freedoms of women were taken from their hands. They have been humiliated with sayings such as "long on hair short on brains, petticoat, ball and chain, woman's mind..." The most ironic part of it all is that it is again the women who raise the boy children.

The effects of thousands of years old patriarchy do not, of course, change at one stroke. Especially we the men are very insincere about the issue of woman! In our eyes, the woman is still something to be owned, a commodity.

This is the case all around the world! Where and with whom will we start to change this mentality in which even the large corporations that want to sell their products through advertisements, TV series and movies use the female body as a commodity? I think it is primarily and most importantly a problem of sincerity.

Who knows how many women are being subjected to violence or murdered while I am writing these lines, and we supposedly do our part by logging in and posting a most sensitive, sweetest tweet, isn't that right?

If I send a tweet now and say, "Friends, let's take to the streets tomorrow to condemn violence against women!", how many people, do you think, will join the demonstration?

It is free to try!

If 10 people show up, just bless your lucky stars! Unless we open a vast space for women in society, where they can express themselves, present their skills and be treated with the true respect they deserve, our words will continue falling on deaf ears.

Just take a look at the National Assembly, look at the council of ministers, the firms, factories, offices; look at the lines of work where women can find a job and integrate into society, then you will understand what I mean.

This is what you get with the idea of woman that has been deeply entrenched in our brains and turned into a taboo.

Unless we start by changing ourselves first, nothing will ever change with limited and insincere measures; it will go on as is, as it always has. (AT/APA/SD/TK/IG)

* Images: Kemal Gökhan Gürses

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